Department of unnecessary honesty

Roast A Website

Your website is innocent until inspected.

A dry, slightly theatrical little tool that reviews public websites, delivers a sarcastic verdict, and still leaves behind actionable fixes.

Case Intake

Submit a website for routine humiliation.

Unhinged mode keeps the insults safe, but less charitable.

Fair process. Unfair wording.

Pending Verdict

Cringe Score

A deeply unserious label for very real website problems.

--Awaiting evidence

No ruling yet.

Once a page is analyzed, this area stops looking polite and starts becoming specific.

This is not legal advice

Charges

Likely offences

A preview of how the app will frame the website's bad habits.

Weak CTA hierarchyBuzzword congestionVague value proposition

Judge Notes

Notes for the record

This panel will eventually hold the actual roasts, fixes, and whatever evidence the website leaves lying around.

  • Unhinged mode sharpens the sarcasm, not the cruelty.
  • Investor mode becomes deeply suspicious of phrases like platform and seamless.
  • No verdict is generated yet. We are rehearsing the menace responsibly.

Recent History

Nothing scandalous yet

Recent roasts stay in this browser only. The filing cabinet is currently embarrassed by its emptiness.

No previous verdicts. A modest beginning.

The internet asked for feedback. This was a tactical error.

No accounts. No database. Maximum side-eye.

Tiny FAQ

Four questions people ask before voluntarily submitting their website to judgement.

What does this do?

It reviews a public website, assigns a cringe score, and explains the verdict with both sarcasm and actual advice.

Is the roast fair?

Fair in the way a very observant creative director is fair: blunt, specific, and annoyingly hard to argue with.

Does this store my data?

No database, no account drama. Local history is optional and stays in the browser.

Can I appeal the verdict?

Certainly. The court may respond by rephrasing the same disappointment with better lighting.